#BDSMKink Experience Limits Checklist download#

Does using crops and whips sound enticing to you? What about sex toys? How about trying nipple play? Whatever speaks to you, use that as your starting point.Īs a side note, please make yourself aware of the myths about sexuality and disability. Thus, understanding which aspects of the erotic practice work best for you, as an individual, is critical. Get Clear on Which Aspects of BDSM You'd Like to Explore for Sexual PleasureĪs mentioned above, BDSM stands for 'bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism.' Some people may only enjoy particular elements of BDSM, while some folx might prefer others. With this in mind, as folx explore their bodies, desires, and fantasies to achieve the ultimate sexual pleasure, it's important to get clear on both your BDSM hard limits and soft limits, communicate them to your partner(s), and ensure that anyone involved is comfortable and enjoying themselves. These do not necessarily adhere to 'traditional' gender roles of male dominance over the female body, though this can be an element of the consensual sexual fantasy, if someone chooses. What is BDSM, exactly? The acronym itself stands for 'bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism.' It is a play on power dynamics between two or more people, where there are clear Dominant and submissive roles, and can range anywhere between vanilla bondage to using restraints and complex BDSM furniture. If you would like me to speak about sexual consent (in vanilla and/or alternative sexual situations) at your organization, event or school please send me an e-mail at.

#BDSMKink Experience Limits Checklist download#

If you need BDSM pre-negotiation tools, download the Kinky Yes/No/Maybe list here: BDSM Yes/No/Maybe + ROUGH BS **(props to Jim Marcus, the brainchild behind the ROUGH BS System!). This yes/no/maybe list is geared toward “vanilla” partners. Y/N/M lists allow you to learn a lot about your partner/s and yourself opening the door to more fulfilling, satisfying sexual experiences and relationships. Used alone, this list is a great tool to help you identify and set personal boundaries better preparing you for your next sexual encounter.ĭiscussing turn-ons, desires and fantasies with partners can be fun.

How willing are you to explore outside your identified sexual orientation? Are certain parts of your or a partners body off limits? What kind of sexual aftercare do you prefer? Do certain sexual acts or scenarios trigger post traumatic response? What other acts make you uncomfortable (being seen fully naked, eye contact during sex, etc.)? Do you have any medical conditions or allergies that affect your sexuality? Use this list as a starting point and add other sexual activities pertinent to your own experiences.

To use the list, indicate how interested you are in each activity with a yes/no/maybe and ask your partner/s to do the same. You can download my Yes/No/Maybe list here: Sexual Yes/No/Maybe List In my Consent and Safewords Workshops I recommend the use of yes/no/maybe lists to set personal boundaries and to foster communication about specific sexual topics with partners. It is necessary for us to predetermine our own sexual boundaries before we can effectively navigate consent when engaging in sexual activity with others. Consent is only capable of being granted by someone who is fully capable, fully informed and not coerced.Each person involved is responsible for respecting, maintaining and/or communicating consent.Consent is ongoing it requires continual communication between all parties.Consent given does not constitute blanket consent, it can be revoked at any time.

Consent can never be assumed, it must be granted.

Consent requires a clear, enthusiastic, resounding yes.

In many real world instances, sexual consent isn’t a black and white issue– it has many shades of gray.Ī better definition of sexual consent is: We’ve all heard the catch phrase “No Means No” which, on the surface, makes consent seem simple to navigate. In my Sexual Consent Workshops we learn about consent in the context of various relationships like a hook-up, dating, marriage/domestic partnership, a swinging encounter or a BDSM scene. I devoted a lot of time this month to speaking and teaching about sexual consent.